Normal people when they laugh:
Me:
Normal people when they see their idol:
Me:
Normal people when they know someone likes them:
Me :
“Why?”
Normal people dancing:
Me:
Normal people walking:
Me:
Normal people who are pissed off:
Me :
(Source: smile-cheshire-smile, via coffeeandcigarettes1)
At a steady 144. Life is hectic, and various things (schoolwork, family situation etc.) are really stressing me out/upsetting me right now. Veganism feels safe and comforting. Eating healthy amounts of healthy food makes me feel safe. My body deserves to feel safe.
Breakfast: 2 cups baby puree
Lunch: Healthy meal 300-500 calories
Dinner: 2 cups baby puree
Horrible weekend, eaten far too much. I WILL stick to this.
Just remember…
Every time you mess up, you’re one step further away from your goal.
Every time you mess up, you undo days of hard work.
Every time you mess up, you let yourself down.
Every time you mess up, you treat your body and your mind badly.
Every time you mess up, that evil bitch who said you couldn’t do it wins.
To be happy, to be able to find clothes easy, to not be the fat sister, to be healthy, to say i’ve done it.
This is just my permanent state of mind at the moment. It’s either stressed, depressed, or fat. Even if I’m out with friends having a good time, that word will still be lurking at the back of my mind. It’s hard enough having a best friend like Charlie who is my own height but nearly 30 lbs lighter. Jesus.
I wish I had the kind of iron will it took to stick to long-term diets. Not even diets… plans. It doesn’t matter how unrealistic or realistic my goals are, how healthy my eating is, I can never stick to one thing. It’s super depressing because by the time I go back to school in January, when Charlie leaves, I want to be at least 125 lbs. That’s -20 lbs from where I stand now. I know I could do it if I put my mind to it; there’s nothing wrong with my body, it is just like everyone else’s. I don’t have a physical condition that stops me from losing weight. It’s just my stupid mind that keeps self-sabotaging. I hate it.
It’s the 1st of December today and I’d like to lose at least 15 lbs in this month, putting me at 130 for the new year. Please? Is that too much to ask? I don’t want to start another year in the 140s :(
I love me some Lizzy Caplan <3
…Or until I get this goddamn weight off:
Breakfast-Porridge or baby food
Snack-Bag of low cal gluten-free crisps
Lunch-Smoothie or baby food
Dinner-Baked beans and a bag of low cal gluten-free crisps
Optional evening snack-Low cal hot chocolate
It sounds so ridiculous, but it’s pretty much the diet Charlie stuck to for about three months, and she lost forty pounds on eating this stuff, so I must be able to, right? My calorie limit is 600-900. Hopefully I’ll be able to start the new year slimmer than this one. I really don’t want to be over 140 lbs when January rolls round. I’d like not to be depressed about my weight when we have to move house and I have to work my arse off for my A levels. I just think if I have this plan with a bit of leeway, and keep fairly unstressed about it, I should be able to lose the weight in a slow and relaxed manner, and then I won’t gain it all back suddenly and violently. Charlie said to me today, when we were on the subject, ‘Keeping the weight off isn’t the hard bit, because your stomach shrinks so you can’t eat as much food. Actually it’s pretty hard to gain the weight back unless you binge for days on end, which you’ll find is really painful… the hard part is getting the weight off. Once it’s off, it’s pretty much plain sailing.’
Last night I went to a party in town with Charlie and we got wasted, ended up dancing on a stage. She is so thin now, 117 lbs. I stayed at hers and this morning she sloped around the house in high-waisted size 10s (US size 6). they were falling off her hips and she kept having to pull them up. She’s outgrown all her clothes and even her belts are too big now. I wish my clothes could be baggy. I wish I could actually wear jeans. I weigh 145 lbs and it sucks.
